Chapter 4 [The Siren]
Here at AIU we had interesting free periods. You could nap or catch up on overdue work, or you could rent out a training room and experiment with your Uniqueness.
Naturally for students of destructive dispositions this period is a necessity for them to learn to control their powers, and not “accidentally” set fire to the mid-term papers. That was a great year for us, although I don’t think Antoni enjoyed the month-long detention.
When Pam, Jaime and I had free periods together, we would rent a room and watch Jaime run around in circles trying to break his previous speed record while Pam cuddled with her animal of the week, learning more about them and their behaviours and abilities. Did you know that a snail could sleep for 3 years straight? I wish I could. I could sleep through High School and get on with my life.
But every Wednesday during the last period, I find myself alone. Initially I would make my way to the library to start picking at the mountain of work the school threw at us for the day. Until one day, curiosity got the better of me and I trekked in the opposite direction from the library and to the training wing.
5 empty rooms, all free till the period was over.
When I first came to the school, they gave us a tour of the facilities and showed us the training rooms with a few select students “impressing” us with their Uniqueness. I never had a need for a training room since my powers weren’t so...messy per se.
But that day I booked the room, walking around and looking at all the controls safely tucked behind a touchpad wall.
Temperature control, moving targets, laser maze...Bluetooth. Huh.
I set my bag down and took my phone out of my pocket, removing the buds from my ears. I synced my phone with the room’s stereo system and SOMETIMES I GIVE MYSELF TH–
Fuck that’s loud. Maybe playing Green Day on an unknown volume wasn’t the brightest of ideas.
I thumbed through my playlists and settled for “cool stuff”. Yes, the name’s lame. No, I can’t be bothered changing it.
Renting a training room just to listen to music I could easily listen to in my room seemed a little ridiculous, but the feeling of being by yourself in a seemingly endless room, serene instrumentals and gutsy basses echoing around you is really something else. It gives a strange sense of tranquillity, like a breath of air you take when you realise you forgot to breathe.
I became absorbed in the music, letting it carry my mind and body wherever it wanted to take me. Sometimes I sang along, sometimes I layed on the floor, unmoving. Sometimes I just let my body flop around like a fish to the rhythm. It was a catharsis I never knew I needed.
And so I find myself returning to that training room every Wednesday at 3pm, playing my songs and feeling the music envelop my mind and body. I didn’t really think, I let the beats and the bass do that for me. But it wouldn’t take long before I would hear the beep ripping through my trance and I would be forced to leave my safe haven, removing any trace of the harmony that was there mere seconds before.
But something about today, whether it was the slightly odd tasting mushroom soup or a particularly stubborn flow of emotions, made me ignore that dreaded beep and continue my hypnotic endeavour. The beeping stopped and the music came back, somehow stronger and more soulful than before.
I felt my insides clutch with anticipation, my body twitching as the song started to crescendo, my eyes shut to amplify the feeling of each movement. Legs moving with a mind of its own, arms gripping my hair which had come loose from its baby blue restraint. My eyes stayed shut as the music reached its climax, cymbals and violins creating a passionate uproar as the beat stayed steady, guiding my body with its every move.
And finally it ended, the music died down into a repetitive hum of a cello, my body swaying in place as I felt myself become lighter, as if I danced away the weight of my burdens. I stood there for a while, eyes closed, listening to the silence. A melancholy filled my heart and I wanted to cry, though I ran out of tears a long time ago.
I always tell myself that it is ridiculous to feel it this way for I have not suffered as much as others have. I have two adoring parents who send me boxes of goodies from home, and call every week to say I love you. I have two amazing companions who decided that I was worth staying for. I have a roof over my head and a good education, a decent looking future and a Uniqueness that many would kill for.
So why did I feel like I was choking?
The weight was slowly coming back, a heaviness of all the self-loathing and self-deprecation that I had learnt to harbour. My mind was a mess that I needed to sort out but every time I tried it would just clutter in a different way. I felt pain, and guilt for having that pain. It was a cycle of self-destruction that got both better and worse with age.
I took a deep breath and held it, swallowing the emotions that threatened to leave my body. I embraced the silence for one last time as I stood there motionless. I channelled all my negative thoughts and emotions into the breath I held, gathering all the deprecation and loathing.
Then I breathed out, long and slow as if trying to expel the ailments that tormented my mind. I opened my eyes, and in front of me was an angel.
I blinked and she was still there, a halo around her head and a glow around her body. Had I held my breath too long? Did I die?
“You dance pretty well.”
Fuck. She saw me.
I opened my mouth to say something but all I could manage to do was look like a dying fish.
She smiled as she leaned against the doorframe, arms folded. Shit I took up her booking time, didn’t I?
“Sorry, I’ll go.”
“Don’t worry about it, take your time. I rarely use it on Wednesdays but uh...something came up during my usual slot.” She gave a half hearted shrug and strolled into the room. I hastily ran to my bag and slung it over my shoulder, dropping my keys, water bottle, journal and the country of Russia in the process.
Fuck.
I bent down to try to gather my things and my pride, and found myself face to face with Her. Of course it was her. Who else would find me at my most embarrassing state?
What I thought was a halo was actually her golden blonde hair glowing in the artificial room light. Her emerald eyes shone and...were looking right at me. Shit. I was staring like a weirdo. Now I’m still staring as I’m thinking about how I’m staring. Ok time to avert eyes in three. Two–
“Are you ok?” Crap she was waiting for me to grab my journal from her.
Somebody please end me.
I hastily grabbed the book and shot up like a meerkat, clutching my bag for dear life. She slowly stood, the endearing smile still on her face. Damn she was even more beautiful up close.
“I’m fine, thanks.” Oh thank whoever was up there for letting me form a coherent sentence.
“Alright then. I’ll see you around?”
I nodded, not trusting my words to have the same luck twice, and turned to leave the room. I almost managed to escape with the little dignity I had left, when her husky voice called out again.
“Your phone!”
She waved it around in the air like a wand, taking a few, tauntingly slow steps to me. I hurriedly half-jogged towards her to retrieve my phone, taking a mental note to bang my head on the nearest wall once I left her presence.
I reached out to grab my phone, only for her to pull it away from me. My face fell. Please don’t be one of those cliché high school bitch moves.
But her smirk morphed back into her charming smile as she placed the phone in my hand. Her fingers brushed mine as she let go of my phone, tickling my nerves and sending tingles up to my elbow.
I let out a breath I did not know I was holding and looked up from our hands to her eyes. They told a whole story of who she was, the Queen who ran the school. Bravery, determination and resolution mixed with mirth and kindness. A true monarch whose subjects adored her, including myself.
I never dared to approach her, not out of fear but out of respect to not taint her with my presence. Yet here we were, frozen in time with her fingers barely brushing mine. And it felt like a warm blanket covered me, shielding me from life’s shit show.
But time flowed once more and her hand retreated to a small wave.
“Bye, Leila.”
I gulped like a cartoon character and cleared my throat. I felt like every teen boy in a 2000s movie who saw their best-friend-turned-date in something other than cargo pants.
I said a soft goodbye to the back of her head as she walked back to the control board once more. I walked out of there and into the bustling corridor, not daring to look back. Thinking back on it, I might have seen her face in the reflection of the wall, watching me leave the room.